Plan an ambush. “Spring new things on her”. “Don’t talk the subject up too much. It leads to too many expectations.” In other words, communicating your kissing preferences is useful in the broad sense, but the best way to introduce new twists in your kissing is to just do it. Explaining what you’re going to try and choreographing the entire operation turns it into a performance. That’s not romantic.

“Try for variety in kissing,” “But try to introduce it smoothly into the context of the situation.”

Vary the action. Use your imagination. Tongue on tongue is nice, but you can also let the little fellow dance around her lips, her gums, even her teeth. Let it do a little exploring. Gently run it along the outside of her lips and inside her mouth, between her cheek and gums. Make swirling, spinning motions from one side to another. Try sucking on her lower lip while she sucks on your upper. While you’re at it, see what moves turn her on. And ease off sometimes; vary your pace. Most specialists find that the change from intense to easy, from sexual to playful and back again, only heightens excitement and adds to your pleasure.

Kiss her neck. This is a winner, a Grade-A surefire partner-pleaser. “Women rave about being kissed on the neck,” “The statistics on it in my surveys were amazing.”Don’t stop there. Most women love kisses on the outer ear, the lobe, and its environs. Of course, there’s no place on a clean body that isn’t kissable during foreplay or “outercourse.” But during your newly rediscovered kissing for kissing’s sake, there’s a universe of pleasure to be found from the neck up.

Kiss in public. “If you’ve never done it,” “it can be kind of exciting.” A modest public kissing demonstration can strengthen your bond—it’s the two of you alone against the world. Of course, some women are just plain uncomfortable showing private acts in public places. And even if she’s okay kissing publicly, don’t overdo it. You’re not trying to create a spectacle. “It doesn’t have to be intimate kissing,” “But everybody has a little bit of exhibitionism in them.”

Kiss in cars. There must be something about the automobile that gets lips puckering. Just about everybody likes making out in cars. But there’s also something about steady relationships that seems to make people forget how much they liked it. So try negotiating those bucket seats again.

By the way, part of the thrill of vehicular osculation, is that cars are only semi-private places. Thus, kissing inside of one falls under the category of quasi-public. But what have you got to hide?

Kiss as foreplay. All the encouragement you’re getting to disassociate kissing from intercourse doesn’t mean kissing has ceased to be a superb form of foreplay. “Especially if you prolong it a little”.

Kiss during sex. If you saw the movie Pretty Woman, you know that prostitutes usually don’t kiss their clients. Why? Because it’s part of what turns a physical act into intimate interaction. That’s the last thing a self-respecting professional wants. Of course, there are some positions in which even contortionists couldn’t reach each other’s lips. But kiss when you can. “Kissing makes her feel that she’s not there just for the sex”. Besides, when you’re kissing her during sex, nobody can accuse you of using kissing as a mere appetizer. Then it’s part of the main course.

Do the exercise in turn. If you are the passive partner sits quietly, spending a few moments letting go of thoughts and concerns. Wait for your partner to surprise and awaken each of your senses. Focus all of your attention on the immediate sensation before you. If he gives you a flower, take time to absorb the beauty of its shape and colour. Then touch each petal to feel its silky texture. Lift it to your nose to breathe in its perfume. If he plays some music for you, chimes resonate bells, or whispers into your ear, let your hearing expand to capture all the nuances of sound. He can then stimulate your taste buds, putting into your mouth, one piece at a time, some tiny morsels of delicious food. Close your eyes and concentrate completely on savouring each specific taste and texture. Then he can draw your attention to your tactile sense. Feel your skin tingle in response to every teasing stimulation. He can stroke his fingertips lightly over your skin, or trail soft textures of silk and chiffon against your face — notice the varying sensations on the different parts of your body and what feels warm or cool on your skin. Lose yourself completely in every sensation until all of your senses have become totally awakened.

RECIPE 1

Expanding

Basil, Frankincense, Lavender

To an aromatherapy burner

Add the following:

1 drop Basil

2 drops Frankincense

3 drops Lavender

RECIPE 2

Focusing

Cedarwood, Black Pepper,
Bergamot
To an aromatherapy burner
add the following:

4 drops Cedarwood

5 drops Black Pepper

6 drops Bergamot

The cedar is a beautiful and majestic coniferous evergreen tree. The essential oil that is distilled from its wood has been revered since ancient times for its relaxing and meditative qualities. The cedar tree is frequently mentioned in the Bible, often in relation to fertility. In many parts of the world it has been known as the ‘tree of life’ or the `tree of gods’, being renowned as a symbol of faith and strength. Varying species of cedar grow throughout the world’s regions, but it is the Cedrus Atlantica that is most often preferred in the use of aromatherapy. It is also commonly used in incense, to perfume the home as well as during religious ceremonies.

Cedarwood’s dry, woody aroma can soothe an anxious mind. Its properties help to alleviate many physical complaints, and work well on the respiratory system. Its soothing qualities are used in skincare to preserve youthful beauty. Cedarwood essential oil can help relieve irritated skin or an itchy scalp and is particularly good for oily skin. Caution: Do not use during pregnancy.

The essence from bergamot is commonly used in perfumes; this is what gives Earl Grey tea its distinctive flavour. It was once much favoured as a perfume for spices and floral decorations, especially at times of celebration such as marriage ceremonies or to welcome a baby’s birth.

Bergamot comes from a small tree that grows mainly in Italy and some parts of Africa. The essence is expressed from the rind of its unusual citrus fruit. It can be used whenever a partner is anxious or depressed, or prone to heated outbursts of temper, as it is able to help alleviate tension and anxiety. Bergamot cools feverish conditions, and has been used in the treatment of urinary tract infections such as cystitis — it can also soothe the digestive and respiratory system, encouraging appetite and a return to health during convalescence.

Caution: Do not apply to skin to be exposed to sunlight or ultra-violet light, it increases the skin’s photosensitivity. It may irritate sensitive skin.

Records of black pepper’s uses as an aphrodisiac have been made throughout history. Ancient Arabic manuals giving advice on sexual matters refer to its erotic properties. In Roman times, it was liberally used, not only as a spice for cooking, but to add strength and stamina to a man’s performance, both on the battlefield and in the bedroom. During the bathing rituals of the Roman era — often a prelude to a night of hedonistic pleasure — servants added the essence of black pepper to oils which they used to anoint their masters’ bodies.

The essential oil of black pepper is distilled from the plant’s red berries that are picked before they ripen and dried naturally in the sun. In ancient times, black pepper was so highly regarded as a spice, that battles were fought over it, and it was sometimes traded, ounce for ounce, for the same price as gold.

A stimulating essential oil that can warm and ease stiffness in cold, tense muscles and increase their tone, black pepper’s spicy properties can also refresh the mind and help to banish fatigue. Caution: Black pepper’s essential oil may irritate some skins.

Basil’s essential oil, extracted from the shrub’s leaves and flowering tops, can be used to reawaken a sexual relationship that has waned in intensity or interest, or when someone is anxious or lacks experience. Some say that its name comes from basileus, the Greek for ‘king’ because its wonderful smell is fit for royalty. Basil originates from India where myth has it that the Hindu gods, Krishna and Vishnu, bestowed upon it protective and inspirational properties. It now grows extensively around the world, most notably across southern Europe, North Africa, Java, Seychelles and North America.

Basil’s strengthening, stimulating and restorative properties help to ease mental, emotional and physical fatigue and, when added to a base oil and rubbed into the body, remove weariness from tense, tired muscles. Its restorative properties are said to ease headaches, respiratory infections, sinus problems, asthma and flu. Caution: Avoid use during pregnancy. Apply with care on sensitive skin.

Clary sage has a strong, dry and nutty aroma, which can produce a sense of mild intoxication, capable of adding a touch of wild and gay abandon to a night of lovemaking.

Clary sage encourages creative thought but, because it can also be very soporific, it is best used for times of pleasure and relaxation. Clary sage should not be used before driving or any function requiring focused concentration.

In the past, clary sage’s mildly intoxicating qualities were used in white magic spells to ignite the interest of a desired lover. Certainly, its essence, when mixed with other oils, adds greatly to the sensuality of a body massage when used as a prelude to making love.

Clary sage is grown in many countries and its oil is distilled from its flowering tops and leaves. It is an aid in the treatment of digestive, respiratory and stress-related female reproductive disorders. Caution: Do not use in combination with alcohol or in any large doses as it can cause nausea. Gary sage should not be used in pregnancy, or by women who experience heavy menstrual flow.