Sex Sling

You are now ready for the most important source of sexual arousal —the human brain. That’s right! We believe the greatest—and perhaps only— aphrodisiac lies right there between your ears. We know that love and lust and anticipation and tenderness are all very wonderful turn-ons. By all means, they supersede anything else we are talking about. But what should you do when these do not seem to be as effective for turning you on as they once were? We still believe, as most people do, that in the best of all possible worlds—when you love someone—you will feel that deep passion welling up inside, and think about what you are going to do to your spouse or partner: beginning with tenderness and affection and love, and welling up into an overwhelming sexual passion. When this does occur, it is wonderful. There is nothing better!

But even though the brain is not a battery-operated gadget, it still may need some recharging now and then. For many people, particularly after many years of sex with the same person, the old excitement is just not there in the same degree and needs a little assistance. We want to teach you how to use your mind to stimulate the sexual urges before there is any physical contact. In other words, you should learn how to put yourself in a sexually receptive mood at will, to make yourself a more erotically oriented person by only using your mind. What do we mean by this?

There is an old joke that we often hear and retell in one form or another. It goes like this: A young woman during the Czarist period in Russia tells her mother that she is frightened at the thought of her wedding night just a few days away. She doesn’t know what to do or what to say to her new husband when they get married. She doesn’t know what to do sexually or even how to feel. Her mother tries to reassure her and says, ‘Don’t worry my daughter. Everything will be fine. When your husband comes to you and it is time for him to climb into bed with you, just lie back and think of Mother Russia and the Czarina!’

This may not be very funny for some of you, but think of the significance of this old story. If something is unpleasant, we are to use our minds to tune out the experience by concentrating on something that is totally unrelated. This suggests, too, that the opposite is also true. You can use your mind to get more deeply involved in a sexual experience, if you so choose. It is up to you which way to go!

You must learn, through practice and more practice, to use your brain to reverse any negative thinking about sex that you may have been brought up with. This is a skill, like any other skill, and it can be learned. It will then become available to you when you want to create your own erotic mental setting around the physical act that takes place. These exercises will help you take charge and be in control over your own newly heightened sensual and sexual sensitivities and skills.

Your mind can become like a DVD recorder where you have stored a series of thoughts, fantasies, images, settings, and so forth, which you will play on the screen of your consciousness when you want to. For example, let’s say that you saw a movie a few days ago and there was a scene that was especially erotic and arousing to you. You should record or store that scene in your brain and play it back frequently during the next few weeks. It may be used to help you get aroused, or even to help you desire sex when you don’t feel especially interested.

If you play back this scene a few times in your mind when you are resting by yourself or taking a break from work, you will be less likely to forget it. You then have an effective “cassette” or memory to pull out when you would like to have sex but do not have as strong an urge as you would like. Playing this “cassette” in your mind should trigger an arousal response that might not otherwise spontaneously appear. This technique helps you be more “horny” when you want to feel that way. By carrying around a figurative shelf full of such “cassettes” in your mind, you will very likely become a more “sexy” person to yourself and that is necessary when you want to be sexy for someone else. In other words, you are as sexy as you feel. What we are suggesting here is that you should not wait for someone else to “turn you on.” You should turn yourself on—regularly and frequently—and you may discover that it becomes easier and easier to become spontaneously aroused. Storing these visually erotic images in your mind is one of the arousal “tricks” that are not dependent on physical contact from someone else or your self-pleasuring. Later you may use these “mental” motivators as a prologue to physical sexual stimulation. For now let’s develop the mental skills in a wide variety of ways for future use. After a while, when you get good at this mental stimulation, you may want to combine these erotic images with the physical stimulation. That will be an important step for you: to learn to make an automatic and simultaneous connection between physical and mental arousal.

These are visual cues, that is photos and movies, and also the reading of erotic poetry and novels. We are not necessarily endorsing the use of these, since we know that many people have strong feelings about what they may call pornography. We strongly condemn violent, exploitative, and sexist pornography but there is more romantic, less offensive erotica that can help many people. There is much erotica—movies, photos, art work, and novels—which is sensitive and beautiful, and does not contain those negative aspects of the “cheap” pornography. Most librarians know the difference between classic erotica and low- grade pornography, and can steer you to literature or art books of the former type. Also, many of the larger video stores now stock “couples oriented” erotic movies as opposed to the male- oriented X-rated movies. Some of these adult films recommended for couples are even presented from a feminist perspective with an eye to love and romance rather than repetitious male-oriented sex scenes.

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