Sex Sling

It took two to perform most sex acts. Now that you’re overcoming your own inhibitions, you still have hers to think about.

Take oral sex, for example.

Yeah, we know, you’d be glad to. But will she provide it just as gladly? The Sex survey in America found that while a not-so-surprising 83 percent of men consider it appealing to receive oral sex, only 57 percent of women consider giving it appealing. What’s more, almost a third of women (32 percent) don’t even like receiving oral sex. There’s a discrepancy here.

You don’t need statistics to tell you if she’s uptight about pursuing new paths to pleasure. But why? Take all the social messages you got about the evil of sexuality and multiply it many-fold for her.

“It goes back to the virgin thing,” “Girls are told not to let anybody touch them. They’re taught early not to respond sexually.”

That sort of programming can lead to body hang-ups. Next thing you know, years have gone by and she still won’t consider making love with the lights on. “Women have the same kind of head noises about measuring up as men do,” “But with them, it’s more like ‘I’m too fat’ or ‘I’m too thin.’” And, just like you, women can be wary of what enjoying certain sex acts might say about who they are. “Some women might shy away from oral sex because of what it might uncover,” “It’s not just that they might like it, but that they might even like it if you demand it in a demeaning way.” Here are some suggestions for helping her confront and overcome her inhibitions.

Enlist in the battle. “Any woman can be helped,” “You have to take charge and struggle to help her, if she wants you to.” That means encouraging her to reveal her desires. How? Try asking. “You have to ask her what feels good, what she wants you to do.”

Take it easy. Ask, but don’t push too hard. “Have patience,” “Don’t overwhelm her with your desires and needs. Take your time.” Remember, you have a lifetime (hers) of negative momentum to overcome. Go slowly. Start out a bit naughty and playful. Talk dirty. Get comfortable with your new sexual territory and lingo and keep experimenting.

Strike while the iron’s hot. Ask her over coffee what she‘d like you to do sexually, and she needs to answer in full, blushing sentences. Ask her if she likes what you’re doing while you’re doing it, and she can respond negatively or positively with a mere moan. “Do you like this?” is a lot more effective when the “this” is a real feeling instead of an abstract idea. “One of the best times to find out what your partner likes is during sex,” “When you’re in the throes, you can make personal requests of each other that at other times might horrify one of you.”

Wash away the worries. One reason some women are shy about oralsex, isbecause they think their sex organs aredirty. Or smelly. “There’s a simple solution for that,” she says. “Take a shower together. Take a bath together. Be clean together.”

Be sexual friends.“The biggest secret to overcoming inhibitions is to think of each other as your intimate sexual friend,” “With a friend, you don’t need to get defensive if something doesn’t work.”

The spirit should be camaraderie, not competition. Instead of judging each other, think of yourselves as partners in crime, of sorts: “When people back off from their adversarial ways, new solutions tend to rear their heads in funny, unpredictable ways,”.

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