Sex Sling

Women say they want us to kiss them more. Then they complain about how we do it. What’s a guy to do? For starters, know what not to do. Here’s a list of women’s complaints.

“He always does the same thing”. The “same thing” is actually two things: the basic puckered-lip press and the French kiss. “Women like French kissing,” says William Cane, who researched American kissing habits for his book Art of Kissing. “But they complain that their guys don’t know other types of kisses.”

“His French kissing is uninspired.” Just stuffing your tongue down her throat as you kiss is an insult to the French. Where do you think the word finesse comes from in the first place? Flick. Explore. Massage. Communicate with your tongue.

“He tries to suck my face off.” Passion is wonderful. Disfiguration isn’t. Control your animal instincts; this is kissing, not a feeding frenzy. Make sure your enthusiasm is in sync with hers.

“He slobbers all over me.” Passionate soul-kissing may sometimes get a little sloppy. But if you’re the only one spilling the soup, you’re probably making her more angry than excited.

“I feel like I’m kissing a corpse.” That’s because your kisses are mushy, limp, dead. Where’s the feeling? These limp kisses don’t tell her you’re gentle. They tell her that you’re either squeamish or preoccupied with other things.

“His breath is bad.” After a few years together, you may tend to get careless. It’s just as annoying to her no matter how long you’ve been together. Where’d you leave that Listerine bottle?

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